The Filler

3N has been letting a lot of good stories sit and collect dust lately, so let’s do some Spring cleaning today and get rid of a bunch. Ready? O.K.

Moan-y, Moan-y

Well the record industry is at it again, griping about how much money it’s losing and this time due to the now-legal downloading of music from stores such as iTunes and Rhapsody. Seems the five major labels think 99 cents is far too cheap and would like to raise the fee to $1.25 or even $2.99 per tune, according to England’s The Register. Industry analysts say the move would be detrimental as consumers won’t pay much more that 99 cents. As one insider put it, an iPod has room for 4,000 songs, but no one is going to spend $4,000 filling it up. 3N is always amazed by the outright hostile attitudes directed towards music consumers by the major labels and the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), and this latest move really comes as no surprise.

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun

Now this may be old news but it bears repeating. Seems Starbucks’ dominance of the coffee market may not be solely due to name recognition and the fact that there’s one on every corner. New tests show the chain’s coffee has more than double the caffeine of home-brewed or even other competitor’s wares. That would certainly explain why consumers continue to flock to the stores despite the fact that their coffee is overpriced and bland. For those of us whose bodies are, as The Wall Street Journal so aptly put it, “caffeine addicted,” it’s mana from heaven. 3N once heard executives from RJ Reynolds describe a cigarette as a “nicotine delivery system and nothing more.” Same holds true for coffee, right? Double the caffeine is cool and all, but why not just have two cups from your local mom-and-pop outfit? Starbucks sucks.

What Does This Mean for Dry Cleaning?

In science news, researchers from Tyco’s Fire and Security division have invented a chemical that has all the properties of water with one critical difference; it doesn’t get things wet. Representatives demonstrated the chemical, dubbed Sapphire, on ABC’s “Good Morning America” last week. An amazed Charlie Gibson watched as Tyco reps dunked objects such as books and electronics into a vat of the stuff with no ill effects. Sapphire’s immediate use will primarily be in fire suppression systems in libraries, museums and offices, though Tyco officials say its other uses are presumably limitless. Bizarre.

Science Stymies Scottish Spitters

Speaking of bizarre, bus drivers in Edinburgh, Scotland, are being spat upon at an alarming rate and the city is now issuing them DNA sample kits so they can identify, catch and prosecute offenders. Edinburgh transit officials say spitting is a “fairly common crime” aboard its buses and that drivers have been putting up it with it as they feel it’s simply “a hazard of the job.” Officials went on to say they view spitting as a crime nonetheless and will treat it as they would any other assault. The program is working out well so far as 25 spitters have been charged since the program began, according to The Scotsman.

Tourniquet Needed on Aisle Six

OK, one more. A customer shopping at a Loew’s store in Oklahoma was bitten last week as he pawed his way through the tree section. The man thought he’d been scratched by a thorn though he soon discovered he’d been bitten by a nearly two-foot-long Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake. A relative shopping with the man later caught and killed the snake, according to the Associated Press. Store officials said this was the first such incident but that they are taking the matter “very seriously.” 3N will be sure to keep you posted on just when the multi-million-dollar lawsuit is filed, ‘cause you just know it’s coming.

The News

Let’s get some more old news out of the way. We’ll make them short and sweet.

Hondurans Take Toys, Go Home

Coalition forces were dealt a serious blow in the war in Iraq last week when Honduras announced it would withdraw its forces from the region. Losing the Dutch was bad enough, but the loss of the 370 ferocious Hondurans will certainly spell doom for American efforts to safeguard the country and put an end to the bloody war. In other news, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld admitted he had no idea Honduran forces were even in the region and President Bush conceded that he’d never heard of the country or of Central America for that matter.

Have They Checked eBay?

Still no word on the fuel rod that went missing from a Vermont nuclear plant last week. The highly radioactive rod is still unaccounted for and plant officials have no idea where it could be. Some believe it may still be at the plant while others think it may have been mixed in with a shipment of radioactive waste destined for South Carolina. Why should you worry? Well, the slightest contact with the rod would be fatal and if terrorists get a hold of it they could easily use it to make a so-called “dirty bomb.” The explosion of such a device in a major urban area would kill thousands and sicken hundreds of thousands more. So there’s that. We should also perhaps worry that in the September 12th era our nuclear plant operators are losing things like this. A Connecticut plant lost a similar piece of fuel in 2002 and was fined nearly $300,000 for the oversight. Officials from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission say they’re “very concerned” and called the situation “intolerable,” according to the Associated Press.

Bush’s Buddies Boost Barrels

The Saudi government has assured the Bush administration that it will cut prices for crude oil and boost barrel output around election time so that Americans can enjoy low gas prices and focus their energy on electing the next president—whoever that may be. Awfully nice of the Saudis, eh? They’re just always thinking about us. In an interview with CBS’ “60 Minutes,” journalist Bob Woodward said the Saudis fully understand that such a move will benefit Bush’s hopes for reelection. That’s a no-brainer as the Saudi royal family has had close ties with the Bushes for years. Does this piss anyone else off?

Working Towards a Littler House on the Prairie

Finally, in another blow against the little guy, the Department of Agriculture is considering redefining just what constitutes a “family farm” and may enact new standards that would make it more difficult for small farmers to get loans or even stay in business. The proposed new language would define a family farm as one that either brings in less than $750,000 in gross annual income or is not in the top 5 percent of that state’s farms, according to the Associated Press. The move would force some farmers to choose between expanding their business (and risk losing loan money) and staying small in order to continue receiving federal assistance. In any case, 3N has to ask, is there really any need to make life more difficult for the independent businessman? The family farm is damn near a thing of the past anyway and this can only hurt matters. Where does it end with this administration?