The “Story”
Lot’s of good stuff going on today, “news” you just can’t live without.

A cyclist in Britain got his revenge on motorists by slashing nearly 2,000 tires on cars, trucks and vans over the course of 10 days. Seems the cyclist, Ashley Carpenter, sought to “send a message to motorists” after he was splashed by a car speeding through a nearby puddle. British authorities estimate Carpenter caused around ₤250,000 or nearly $452,000 in damage. Carpenter was finally caught in the act by a closed-circuit video camera. 3N of course deplores this sort of reckless behavior and yet the cyclist in us just can’t help but grin.

And speaking of revenge tactics, animal rights agency People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is finding itself under fire for a controversial campaign it’s waging against Colonel Sanders and his Kentucky Fried Chicken. Citing farming and slaughter abuses by KFC’s suppliers, PETA next month will begin handing out red- and white-striped buckets full of blood and bones to patrons outside KFC restaurants. The buckets also feature a blood-spattered picture of the Colonel himself wielding a butcher knife and the message “The Colonel's secret recipe: live scalding, painful de-beaking, crippled chickens.” Ouch.

Spokesmen for the restaurant chain likened PETA’s actions to terrorism, and “and just like the United States government, [KFC] will not negotiate with corporate terrorists.” That word sure does make the rounds these days, doesn’t it? PETA waged a similar campaign against McDonald’s several years ago, also protesting that chain’s record on cruelty towards chickens. Protesters then distributed Unhappy Meals featuring a stuffed doll resembling Ronald McDonald holding a bloody butcher knife. McDonald’s eventually caved and announced it would review and change the way its suppliers handled chickens but said the PETA campaign had nothing to do with its actions.

PETA does good work now and then and its campaigns are usually clever. 3N is unsure this time, however, how effective buckets of blood will be. Certainly there’s a better way to win over the hearts and minds of consumers than by horrifying them.

Continuing in the vein of revenge, George Michael (always a favorite target here at 3N) may have his revenge on us all by bringing Wham! The Musical to a stage near you. Seems Michael and his estranged partner Andrew Ridgley are fielding offers from prospective producers eager to put the Wham! story to music. The musical would follow the artists from their beginnings as childhood chums to their rise and eventual fall as pop icons. Sound far-fetched? Similar musicals based on Abba, Rod Stewart and Queen already have made the stage and have been highly praised by cattle, I mean audiences, so far.

And why not go with one more. How’d you like to send your loved ones, or enemies, an e-mail from the grave? Well, thanks to the good people at LastWishes.com, you can. Simply sign up with the company, compose your message, attach your videos or pictures and, when a person designated by you gives the signal, the company will broadcast your message while you sleep with the angels. Surprisingly, the idea has met with some resistance. "There is the potential for a lot of damage,” says psychiatrist Dr. Eva Ritvo. “Something like an e-mail from a dead person is going to be jarring.” No shit. So far more than 7,000 psychopaths, I mean customers, have signed up for the service.

The News
Let’s look today at what’s going in Axis of Evil runner-up Libya. That country and its mercurial leader Muammar el-Qaddafi recently have been trying to clean up their act, shedding plans and equipment to build nuclear weapons, offering apologies and compensation for murdering the 270 victims in the 1988 bombing of the Pan Am jumbo jet over Lockerbie, Scotland, and pledging to aid in the fight against terrorism. And the West is eating it up.

U.S. lapdog, I mean British Prime Minister Tony Blair today met with Qaddafi in an attempt to mend relations and end 30 years of hard feelings between the countries. But what’s really important, and near the bottom of today’s The New York Times report is the news that “Anglo-Dutch oil giant Shell had been awarded a $200 million contract worth potentially up to $1 billion to explore for natural gas in Libya.” Hmmm, seems that news would have found its way closer to the top of the story. In a separate story by the Associated Press, Shell reports some of the gas would stay in Libya but that most would go to interests in North America and Europe.

The NYT story goes on to report that BAE Systems, a major British aerospace firm, is close to sealing a deal with the Libyan government that would see it provide a wide range of services for that country’s ailing civil air industry. Ladies and gentlemen, may we present Tony Blair—paving the way for Western commercial interests, I mean diplomacy across the globe.

Reaction from the U.S. was tepid and there are currently no plans for a visit by “President” Bush. Many British citizens were less than enthusiastic as well and reaction from the Arab world was predictable in its denunciation of Qaddafi’s newfound alliance with the West.

What’s the lesson today? That terrorists and those who train and harbor them are evil, vile people. Unless, of course, they happen to have huge, untapped oil reserves.